Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it's like iHOP with fire
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
