I need help removing her.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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