There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
