You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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