I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
