Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
