Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
