accomplished twins. life is a go
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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