How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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