she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
