If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
