i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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