Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
