hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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