I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
