Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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