Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
the liver wants what the liver wants
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
