That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
