She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How does one acquire holy water?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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