Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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