I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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