I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
