Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
