in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
bring money and cleavage
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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