I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
