Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
