Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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