I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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