he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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