dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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