Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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