it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
