Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
