Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
