I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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