I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
