i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
