if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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