I am spending my child support on dildos
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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