That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
are you so shy because you have an std?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
