Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Randomize
