im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
