Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
