nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
