I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
