I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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