he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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