Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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