I didn't shave. On purpose
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
