There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
