are you so shy because you have an std?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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