Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
