So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
