please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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