She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
