Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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