How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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