so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
