wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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