I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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