I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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