Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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