The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
