Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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