Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
