The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
