Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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