sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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