hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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