Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
