we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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