whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
