i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
