i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
