i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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