his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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